Sea story
by George Wolker
Summary: Kyon is getting tired of the day after day sameness his life is slowly becoming and decides to do something about it. Things won't turn out exactly the way he planned...
1. Still on the boat

_Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, the story or any trademark that hovers over this, everything belongs to their respective owners._

_A/N: So, I'm back with another story. In Nightmare we saw how Haruhi's power can turn violent, that not everything is that funny sort of a outcome and really nasty things can happen. We also discovered that not everything has to be caused by her reality warping power, sometimes our minds are even more dangerous. In this story, we'll get an outlook of how the world really is boring sometimes and that we don't always control what's happening around us. It's about misunderstanding and human nature, about how people should help each other more. It's also about our education system because I get the feeling that we are sort of taught or trained to be the best possible cogs in some big corporate machine. We're not really taught in an empowered way that we can start our own company so that we can create and run our own lives. That we don't really need a magical entity to make our world more pleasant. We are sort of taught to be just good employees, to just fit in._

_Anyway enough of my ranting and just enjoy the story, I hope you'll like at least as you did my previous one :)_

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Chapter 1:

**Still on the boat**

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The dark is blue and endless and you don't even remember how oxygen tastes like.

You float and there's a dim light shining through the endless layer of blue. You float down, each second you spend falling adds a little more weight to your body. Like if someone was burying you alive. You start to wiggle, uncomfortable with the idea, but it's no use anymore. You are past the point of no return. You know it and you try to deal with it. Tons of ocean water, dark and cold and populated by monsters, are crushing you. Your eardrums are pressurized, like a shaken champagne bottle, like a can of coca-cola, waiting for a signal to erupt. In contrast your lungs are getting smaller with each inch you travel down into the mouth of darkness, they crumble as easy as a paper.

You know what to do, you have to breathe out.

But you need oxygen to live too. So the question is not if your lungs are going to collapse, the question is if you want to drown or die of organ failure.

Then your eyes are closing as your brain starts flickering out on you.

You don't want to but you're losing control anyway, so you give up and cough up bubbles. The pain in your lungs goes away, but that doesn't change the feeling at all. You want to breathe. You really want to breathe. But you have to suppress it, if you breathe in... you're dead.

And then you're so deep, the sun can't even shine through all the mass of water above you.

You're awaiting some outbreak of panic.  
You're awaiting some fast-forwarded film of your pathetic life.

But it just doesn't come.

Oh well.

And your eardrums finally explode.

As the water goes murky scarlet, you feel it enter your head along with a surge of pain. It enters your brain, it becomes you. You are the water around you. You crush yourself. You are your own doom.

You think stupid without oxygen.

And just as you stop thinking, you breath in. A reflex.

And this is how it feels to drown.

This is how it feels to die.

-

I jumped up and drew in as much air as I could, still trapped in the middle of the nightmare. I made myself cough a few times just to be sure, but no water. Then I looked around, I was in a classroom. The teacher was writing something on the blackboard and everyone was scribbling away. I stretched and rubbed my face, then put my hands behind my head. It was that drowning dream again. I've had this dream four times. The first twice it was like a shock to my system, I was so upset by it, I couldn't sleep for days afterwards. The third time it happened I couldn't sleep for days before. And I was ready for it when it came. So ready. I shot out of that dream so quickly I didn't even get to the bubble part. Now I'd almost forgotten, it had been so long since the last one...

"Okay everyone, finish up, Sakanaka start collecting from the last row," the teacher announced.

Sakanaka stood up and walked up to Haruhi took the paper, went to me took mine, shook her head and went on ahead.

In the end I wasn't able to write anything. And this was my last chance to get a passing grade at Math. I fell asleep somewhere in the middle, because I was desperately trying not to sleep the whole week, I didn't want to dream about that again. And everytime I got that dream, I felt that if I wasn't fast enough... I wouldn't wake up at all.

Oh and I just failed the subject. Not really sure if the outcome would be different with me awake, but it gives me a decent excuse to myself at the very least. Maybe I would be able to live with seeing my reflection in the mirror then.

Sakanaka handed over the papers and the teacher looked at a few random ones. The teacher nodded to herself in agreement, she smiled over at the star pupil, she showed thumbs up to Kunikida, ah here we go an expression of utter disgust, that's me over here.

"Hey," Haruhi called for me and I turned around. "So how did you do, Kyon?"

I yawned, "Pretty good actually, I think those extra lessons you gave me are finally paying off."

"Oh really," but Haruhi wasn't convinced. "I thought you fell asleep in the middle, didn't you?"

"Yeah that, I was finished already and I didn't have anything else to do," I lied my ass off there, but whatever. I know I should tell her but what can be done today, can as well be done tomorrow or how's the saying?

I'll just deal with it when it all falls crushing down on my head.

And besides, I just couldn't get my head around the dream.

For some reason Matrix came to mind. Can people really die in the real world, if they die in the fake one? Can I die for real if I die in the dream? Why the hell I'm drowning anyway? What does it mean?

"What's with that expression?" Haruhi said.

Huh?

"That dream again?" She asked without that usual attitude, she was serious this time.

I nodded.

Yeah I told her about it, because we are now unofficially dating so I figured I might as well enlighten my so-called girlfriend in on my little secret.

"Seriously what's up with that," I shook my head. "It's not like I can't swim or anything and I'm not scared of water at all."

She closed her eyes and crossed her arms, "You're getting it wrong, sometimes dreams are unreadable like that and tell us something entirely different than what they show us."

So it's about how we interpret them?

She reached in her bag and took some book out, "Yeah, you said you were drowning right?"

Is that a dream-book?

"What about it?" She snapped at me. "Do you want to know what it means or not?"

Depends.

"Depends on what?" She tilted her head, getting angry.

On if it's some kind of witch cook book nonsense or something actually proven.

"You!" She took the book and tried to hit me, but I'm too skilled to get hit by her at this point, so she just narrowly missed me.

"You know this hit me with everything around house thing is getting kind of old, Haruhi," I stated prepared to dodge again. "I'm putting up a list together."

"Whatever, " she was pissed I dodged, so instead of trying to score a hit again, she just opened the book searching for 'drowning'.

The bell rang and everyone started to leave, but I was too curious at this point to leave it at that.

"So what does it say?" I asked her just as she started to stand up, stopping her.

"It's right over here... failure, break-down, demise," she said uninterested in the matter now that the lesson ended. "So do you want to come over at my place today?"

Demise? As in... death?

"So?" Haruhi pressed when I was silent for a while, but I shook my head.

"Not today, I have to renew my ID," just as this left my mouth, Haruhi frowned not believing a word I said. "What? It's outdated, got void last September, I don't want to pay the fine."

Through my speech she didn't say a word, she not even looked at me, just stuffed her bag getting ready to leave.

"It's not just an excuse," I tried to assure her.

"Fine," she closed her bag. "You'll come drooling back sooner or later, just so you know this kind of an offer won't happen again if you're always like this."

Always? Why do you have to be like that, it's just today.

It's not like I didn't want to go over, it would be a premiere – me coming over to _her_ house, something different for a change. And with the steady progress of our relationship I'd probably get some chances to move the relation even further, but not today. What a shame. I started to kinda reconsider but then remembered my parents drumming me about the importance of having a valid ID, I guess they were more worried about the fine than the ID itself and lately I couldn't really go around with not listening to them. Something to do with that me being sick accident and stuff.

I sighed, oh well.

"By the way," Haruhi stopped in the middle of the class door not leaving me any chance to retreat. "You aren't using this excuse to mess around with some other female company, are you? Mikuru called in sick today, after all."

I smiled, jokingly, "Since when did you get the monopoly?"

She puffed her cheeks, turned around and walked away. I followed, pleased with the result.

"So the carnival didn't mean anything to you?" She asked, serious all of a sudden.

Of course it was special, I'm just fooling around. Sometimes you're taking things too seriously you know.

"Or maybe I just can't get used to you totally out of your character," she sighed. "Like if you were abducted by aliens and they changed your behavior patterns to get the needed results."

"Damn!" I pulled my collar to my mouth, speaking into it like one of those bond like button-transmitters. "The mission is in peril, sir, I thought they wouldn't discover us for a while."

Haruhi turned to me, "Cut it out!"

I nodded, "Affirmative, I'll continue the eye-cam recording regardless the situation, need the beat-up and tie-pull data, over and out."

She grabbed me by my tie and pulled, only stronger than ever, I mean I was choking all right.

"Very funny," she was gritting her teeth. "I'll give you some quality beat up data if you want it so much."

I crossed my arms and shook my head, still hanging on my tie I produced a choking like voice, "You'd do that to someone still recovering from severe head trauma, you're cold Haruhi. Besides..."

I pulled my fake optic glasses from my breast pocket and applied them, "You wouldn't hit someone wearing glasses, would you?"

"Arhg!!" She roared and released me. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, fine you can go change your puny, worthless ID, I've had enough of you for today."

"I'll see you tomorrow then," I said.

"Just get out of my sight," Haruhi walked away from me muttering something about me and brain surgery equipment.

I pulled off the glasses.

Too bad this critical attack block works just once.

She was heading toward the club building, alone. I didn't know how I did it. But I pulled it off, somehow I managed to avoid the club today. I wanted to rejoice, maybe inquire a new holiday, but I still had to change that damned ID or I could say goodbye to dinner today.

All around the students were smiling, leaving the school building. Either they were heading home, to their clubs or just simply for a stroll in the town. The snow already started to melt and Sun shinned warmly and happily over the horizon, no sing of the calamity that happened a short while ago. My head hurt a little and my left hand was shaking by itself from time to time, but otherwise I felt okay. Overall I was in a pretty good shape both physically and mentally. In other words, the nightmare ended... Or did it? I thought back to that endless blue I drowned in while sleeping in the classroom. It felt so... so real. The hallucinations ended, the sickness disappeared, but the nightmare remained, maybe, just maybe... No. I decided that the more I thought about it the more I would be scared of going to sleep, so I just concentrated on the task at hand, telling myself the nightmare was really over, that the new one was nothing to worry about.

It had to be.

-

I bought a transfer ticket and waited for the right bus at the bus stop. The sun went behind a cloud and cold breeze rattled around the people at the station, some old woman cussed violently behind me, I paid no attention. The bus came, stopped and I let the people inside get out first. After that I went in and the door closed into my face. Nothing unusual given the time, the bus was packed. The people inside were coughing, playing handheld games, reading, texting, just sitting there, stepping around in the snow-mud slush, listening to MP3's, sleeping, fogging the window then writing on it, each as uncomfortable with the presence of other people as they can get. If I could read minds, I'd shoot my brains out right there. Bored as hell, I watched what other people did for fifteen minutes. When my stop came I went out and immediately strolled over to the boring white building, the municipal office. The sidewalk was still grossed out with salt and now that it was unnecessary it became a nuisance and I couldn't shake the thought that I was walking in two pretzel boots. Heh, how exactly bored I was anyway? I stepped on the pressure-mat and the automatic door slid open. It was like walking into a furnace, no doubt all the heaters were set to maximum. Beside the door was that sticker pull machine, where you choose what you want and it gives you a waiting number. I pushed the button, pulled it out and sat down taking the ID request form from the reception. I finished, screwed up the date and took another form. This time I got it right and my number came on. The office lady smiled at me, then laughed to herself what idiot could go around half a year with an invalid ID. If she has this much fun from something like this, her job must be hell. But I leaked too much with self pity to offer her any. She took my old ID, gave a me substitute stamped paper and said mine would be done in two weeks. I left the building.

I scratched my head.

Is the real world really this boring?

I started to look forward to seeing Haruhi tomorrow and I looked forward to it real bad.

Or maybe it was just me. Maybe the world doesn't need to be changed if you try to have fun in it.

Maybe I just have to take the initiative.

As I walked back to the bus stop, there was a man and a woman arguing in the alley. People started to crowd around and I decided to see what's up myself. It turned out he let his lover borrow the cables and so they couldn't start it with all the cold that passed not so long ago.

Hm, I might as well start now and here or I'll really die of boredom.

I pushed through the people who just stood and watched, and said, "Do you need any help?"

"What?" The woman looked up at me and forced a smile. "N-No, we can handle it."

"Now look, I just want to help. You have an old car, it could start if we push it a little, I can do the hard part, so you want the help or not?" I said nonchalantly, like a real badass stoic. Was I that bored?

"But he blown a tire too!" She shouted pointing at her husband, or whatever they were to each other. "It's all because of that whore!"

"Slow down, too much information and I can't help with that," I raised my hands in the air defensively. "About the tire... do you have a reserve?"

It was the man's turn to speak, "Yeah, but the jack... it's old and rusty, not safe."

I pulled up my sleeves already steeling my courage, "We'll manage. Better than just watch and do nothing."

I could feel the people behind me tense up.

"Okay, thanks," the man said and walked over to the back of the car.

He opened the trunk. Someone had recently done laundry. There were two small baskets of fresh, sweet smelling laundry. Or maybe she kicked him out. He dug around and pulled out a small, slightly rusted jack.

He turned and walked toward the tire. The woman glared at me, furious with shame. I felt helpless before her. The tire was shredded, as if they drove on it for blocks. Or maybe someone intentionally destroyed it, maybe that lover of his. The man crouched, the jack between his legs. He wedged it under the fender. The jack was intended for a much smaller car, and it cranked slowly with a groan of metal. There was a screeching noise and the car began to sway.

"Help him," the woman said.

Now my previous courage was gone. I didn't want to touch the jack. My skin felt cold and fragile and I could see the teeth slipping and my hand catching between jack and fender. Two fingers cut off at the knuckle, dropping to the ground like the guts of a chicken. I clenched my fist and resisted the urge to count my fingers. I'm such an idiot. Why did I sing up for this in the first place?

"I'll crank it," I said.

The car rose unsteadily, like a horse with broken legs. The man put his weight against the car to stop the sway. If it fell, he'd be unable to stop it. There would be blood and drama. My world certainly wouldn't be boring anymore. The man loosened the bad tire and dragged it aside. I rested my hands lightly on either side of the jack, just watching. The spare tire was bald as an egg, with pale swellings in the sides. That won't last long. The man sighed and I shrugged.

"Get in and I'll push it, you have a catalytic converter?" I said and the man nodded. "Nevermind, it'll wear it off but right now we just need to start it up."

The car refused a few times but then the engine finally caught on as we cheated the battery a little. He stopped it and his wife got in. I just waved at them to go and they both smiled at me. And then the shouting about the lover came back on.

I was tired and drenched like hell, but my left hand wasn't shaking and I felt good. No, not just good, I felt great. It was similar to when I pulled Haruhi out of that hole, maybe not that fierce but still – it was good.

Maybe the world really is boring, sometimes. But you don't have to play God to make it fun and even make it a slightly better place.

There's no doubt they're gonna divorce, but for the sake of the moment let's assume they're happily ever after together.

The way home wasn't as boring as the previous bus ride, I was still pumped with optimism so I missed the gloomy atmosphere that I described earlier. I guess it's because I thought it over and over, because I had something to think about.

When I got home, it was dark already.

I noticed the cat scratching away at the front door, "Who kicked you out again? Or did you get back to your old running away tricks?"

I opened the door and the cat ran in, then disappeared somewhere.

"So how did it go?" Came from the living room along with sound of TV. "Do you have it?"

"Not yet, dad, they need two weeks to make it," I answered and took off my jacket then went into the living room.

He nodded to himself, "Good and the test?"

Yeah that... just great.

"Hm?" He turned to me."What did you mean by that?"

That I did well? It won't be an A, but I think I did good, you have nothing to worry about.

"I'll believe that when I see the results," he closed his eyes snapping into the lecture tone.

But you won't really kick me out if I fail, will you?

"You won't really fail, will you?"

No, I won't.

"Then you have nothing to worry about, son," he said and went back to the TV.

A soccer match was on.

"So you want to watch with me for a while?" He asked.

I looked at the screen. Lately the matches were getting more and more tedious, boring. The important things like goals happened when I was away from the screen and replays weren't quite the thing. Is it just me, or is everything getting boring lately? Seriously what's happening to me?

"No, I'll pass," I started to walk away. "I'll be in my room."

On my way I greeted mom in the kitchen, who reminded me that dinner is going to be soon. I went to my room and closed the door, then collapsed on my bed. I was really tired, not counting the classroom thing I didn't sleep in quite a while. Now that I think about it, I haven't really slept since the school pneumonia incident. Not like I couldn't, I just didn't want to.

Then it came over me and my eyes almost closed.

I shot up violently, "Have to keep myself awake."

There will be the dinner, I won't be able to sleep there. Then there's after-dinner, what then? Boredom and sleepiness? No way. I got my phone and dialed Haruhi.

It rang, "Oh hey, it's me, I'm home now, so uh... wanna go somewhere in the evening?"

"_What's up, drooling already? Well that's too bad, you already missed your chance,_" and she hung up.

Damnit!

I had to create some alternative plan, I couldn't call up Asahina-san, Haruhi would know. Somehow she would. She knows everything. So I couldn't call her and I didn't want to call Koizumi, Nagato wouldn't do anything to keep me awake, so what to do?

I could always study, but I didn't want to do that too, because it didn't matter anymore.

In the end I decided to fool around the computer the whole night.

So after the dinner I closed myself up in my room and did stuff online.

I dealt with my portion of spam, checked if class had some new events or something and listened to some music.

After a few hours, my parents started banging on my door to go to sleep. So I had to turn it off and lay down for real.

I fooled around my phone and played 'snake'. The only game I managed to get onto it until my parents came. It was satisfying, for a while.

What now?

I sent a message to Sasaki: _What's up?_ She replied: _I'm sleeping, that's up_.

She actually replied, unlike Taniguchi.

I looked at the time. Half past three, it was time to sleep.

Yeah it was time to go to sleep.

But.

I didn't want to sleep.

Not just yet.


	2. Man overboard

_A/N: So here's the next chapter, took a while but I had something to do AND it's longer so I guess it's justified. Anyway in this one this will finally get interesting, sorry for the long start though. I really worked on the idea of portraying a normal day that turns bad. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy it and thanks for all the feedback in advance._

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Chapter 2:

**Man overboard**

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You fall into the water and the shock from the ice cold liquid paralyzes your muscles. You're unable to move.

One of the first things you think about are all those breath holding bets you lost as a kid. You remember you had a friend who was able to hold his breath for two minutes underwater and for three out in the open. Unfortunately, you aren't the lucky bastard.

Your clothes are getting soaked and you gain weight, your slow descent into the watery hell gains speed.

You don't want this. You are afraid. But if you stayed behind you would be alone. Haruhi wanted you here - you went. Nobody really planned the things to turn out like this. The water pushes your eyes back into the sockets, but if nothing you at least want to see it through to the end. Live as long as you're alive.

Then your eyes are closing as your brain starts flickering out on you.

Your lungs are getting crushed, they hurt like if you ran and smoked at the same time.

You don't want to but you're losing control anyway, so you give up and cough up the oxygen you were holding in. The pain goes away, but now you hold the urge to breathe in. You have to hold it. Self-preservation. It doesn't matter how much the brain screams for oxygen, you just won't get it.

Deal with it.

And your eardrums explode. And you become one with all the water around you.

You're not a person anymore. You don't need a name anymore. You don't have to be who you are anymore. You're just weight, meat, fish feed. You're part of the water, of something bigger, you're just one object hidden inside of the bigger picture. And of course the trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up.

And you continue to float down as though impatient to sink into the darkness that is opening up to swallow you.

-

Pink and gray sky, the color of muscle. With my mind emptied I just realized I was already walking the street on my way to school. Some truck screamed past and its exhaust drifted into dark flowers that hanged on the air and faded away like if I was staring through a mirror stained with my own fingerprints. And I was, earlier today. I just stood in the bathroom watching my reflection, splashing cold water to my face, trying to forget I had the dream again.

In the end I fell asleep, probably because I tried so hard to stay awake.

Something was weird though, now I had the dream two days in a row. Usually it left me alone for at least three days after I had it. But now it was recurring. Maybe something was coming. One thing was clear though, no matter what, I couldn't let myself fall asleep today.

Man, I'm such a loser.

I kicked some stone out of my way.

As much as I hated to admit it I looked forward to the club, I looked forward to Haruhi and her schemes, because with her on the patrol there was just no possible way that I'd fall asleep.

Other than that it was your typical Thursday morning. It was still a little cold, but the snow kept melting slowly and the streets weren't that slippery anymore. The sun was still weak, but the rays felt welcoming and warm. Everyone had that kind of a grumpy expression, cuz it wasn't Friday and they still had one more day of school to worry about before the weekend. Or was it? I looked over at the other side of the road, the students were smiling over there. When I got to the gate the feeling intensified, I felt like I did my first day in school. Nervous, unsure of what comes next. I wanted to run away.

"What's this about?" I said aloud as the people started to clear me a path. "It's not like I reek of dead fish."

I felt the eyes on me, but when I looked they were already looking at something else. But I knew what they were looking at. For a second I didn't get it, my brain probably numbed by sleepiness but then the gears got oiled up and clicked together and I realized what was wrong.

Rumors spread faster than plague.

I buried my hands in my pockets and let out a sigh, like I could avoid this anyhow. Only few people know what happened to me during that incident and just Haruhi knows the whole truth, so whatever the rumor is it's mutated and untrue. Maybe not even close to the real thing. But it's there and people need only a little to stare at you like idiots. They need to talk about other people behind their backs. They need to escape their own secrets. They have to turn a blindfold over their own trash. And this applies to everyone.

In the hallway it was more tense than outside because of the cramped space, people tried to walk as much away from me as possible without any sort of an eye contact. But it wasn't that bad, all in all people just avoided me. It was my class I feared about the most.

The bell rang, I had to go in.

Well, here goes.

I slid open the door and almost immediately all the chatter inside stopped. Some of my classmates even jumped up, frightened like. I could easily read what went on in their minds.

Speak of the devil.

The atmosphere was dry, heavy. Holding the door, I wasn't sure what I should do. I scanned the class one more time and Haruhi wasn't there. There was no reason to linger around yet.

I smiled and turned around, "Sorry, wrong funeral."

One old saying ran through my mind, friendship ain't worth a sh-

"Hi," said Haruhi walking up to me in the hallway. "Why aren't you already in, Kyon? You trying to ditch? You know that your efforts are meaningless."

"Yo, nah, just forgot my ghost-hunting equipment," I replied. "Couldn't really know I'll walk in on a class full of high-class ghosts though."

Her eyes lit up and she ran past me, then she turned to me, "What the hell is this about, stop fooling around already!"

Then I walked in.

"Oh," she just watched it for a short while. "Now I get it. What happened?"

I put my bag on my desk and sat down, "Dunno, they probably got to know about the incident. Then they connected the dots, but the picture came out differently because their dots weren't numbered."

"In other words they're gossiping us," Haruhi sat down herself, then threw her bag on the desk angry as hell.

Well, just me, in fact.

"And why is that?"

Maybe because you were the talk of the school long before any of this.

The angry expression she plastered up before shifted a gear and she switched in a lot more scarier look. Her pissed-off-o-meter was probably skyrocketing. To put in an animal, I felt as if I just pulled a lion by its tail.

She stood up and opened her mouth prepared to shout at me, but then looked at the class. Haruhi stared for a while then just sat down. Hm, I just watched a bomb worth billions innocently puff. I turned around and understood. The class wasn't as noisy as usual and everyone was staring at us. I turned back to her and she just shrugged, then she calmly picked up her pen prepared to take notes.

I also turned back to the blackboard, crossed my arms and mumbled to myself, "Fine, I'll sing your freaking divorce papers for Christ's sake."

From behind I heard something snap.

A pen maybe?

Smiling I shook my head to myself.

Anyway about the rumors, I decided not to worry about that, it wasn't like I had any means to stop it. In fact frantically trying to decline them would be only worse. And whatever they bring, words that don't come from Haruhi will never hurt me. It could also be much, much worse. Rumors about me, okay nevermind. I can ignore them, wait them out. Now imagine if they concerned Suzumiya. What would happen? Nothing pleasant, that's what.

"Okay, then," the teacher finished writing some notes into the class-book and stood up.

She took a pile of papers with her and gave it to Kakinouchi, told him to spread it around the class.

The test from yesterday?

Eying my classmates and their reactions I couldn't help but feel a little tensed up. I was kinda ready for it though, but still... I mean, damn, don't teachers have anything better to do with their time? We had this test yesterday and here go the results. I thought I could play safe for a while.

Kakinouchi took a paper out of the pile and looked my direction. I felt the sudden urge to use the bathroom. But then I decided to just screw it, I already failed. I knew it. I accepted it, why should I ruin my day by being tense about something that already happened.

He placed the paper on my desk and muttered, "Looks pretty bad, man."

Like I asked for your damn opinion.

He shook his head and continued spreading the tests.

But nothing can be done about that I guess. People like other people's failure. It's similar to watching someone fail to bungee-jump on TV. It's fun without the danger - it isn't happening to you. If it was, you wouldn't have that ugly smile plastered on your face.

I took the paper and immediately rolled my eyes.

Guess I prayed for a miracle to the wrong God.

I got F with a side note, _"Come see me before you go home."_

This could be translated as, _"I'll tell you again all about you failing the subject, you stupid little asshole, how can't you get it right, it's so easy."_

Whatever, I couldn't care less about the teacher's opinion, as long as my parents didn't know about it. That reminded me to make up some decent excuse for repeating this year. Only one thing came to mind, blame the sickness. The pneumonia is behind it all. I smiled, never thought the incident would actually come in handy. I could probably use it when they'd want some housework from me again, I could even stay home for a few months. But I didn't want that, not like I hate being home but I can't be holed up there 24/7. I'd be bored to open the math exercise book and we don't want that, now do we? And of course then there's the dream.

Anyway, I turned around interested in what my girlfriend scored.

I indicated with my chin and she threw the paper on the desk, disgusted.

An A-, now that's the end of the world. She wasn't the top for once and it was like a second place in some race for her or something. The silver isn't gold, I guess.

"What are you so angry about?" I asked, pissed that she's pissed over this. "Some people would kill to get this grade once without cheating."

She crossed her arms, frowned and looked out of the window, "People like you?"

For a second I didn't realize the cue to see what I got, so I stared like an idiot.

"Oh, yeah," I finally got it. "I got C, I guess I'll pass with that."

Lying to her was like trying to extinguish a volcano with one tiny droplet of water. It wouldn't even reach the lava.

Haruhi nodded to herself, "I expected something more, because it was me who tutored you, but I haven't got much of a material to work with, after all."

Sure, sure, and of course I'm the reason you haven't got an A+ too.

"But of course you are, I had to concentrate on two things at once, teaching someone isn't quite a breather when you have to study yourself," she said looking back at me with that boasting kind of a face.

But of course.

I turned back around, thinking just why exactly am I dating her anyway.

"Has to have something to do with the pneumonia," I whispered to myself, smiling. "What other reason would there be, than my brain malfunctioning?"

Then the teacher collected the tests back and told us to open our notebooks, it was time to move the lesson on. It was something called Permutation. If I wasn't already used to this crap, I'd feel the same way Alice in the wonderland probably did. Dunno when it started, but I hate Math. I looked over my shoulder and saw an already eager Haruhi swallow up all the numbers that appeared on the board, no doubt she already figured it all out. I looked at her notebook, she wrote a few quick calculations then looked at the board, nodded to herself, closed the notebook and went to sleep.

I yawned.

She reminded me that I didn't want to fall asleep. Looking at my watch it was impossible, there was just no way I'd be able to stay awake through this. I had to do something if I didn't want to drown.

I raised up my hand, "Excuse me, may I go the bathroom? Please?"

I remembered that she was one of those teachers that insisted on a sentence put exactly that way.

She turned around and thought for a while, probably pondering my recent grade free-fall, but then gestured toward the door with a chalk in her hand.

I left the class without much of my previous attention and really went to the bathroom, but that was just the first stop.

Inside, I splashed some cold water to my face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the very last stall in the mirror, shaking my head I left the restroom. I walked through the main hall and right into the cafeteria, there were some vending machines lined on one side of it. I chose iced coffee and waited. It started to roll out of that string thing. Then it got stuck in the middle of the screw. It almost looked like someone wanted me to sleep, like if someone wanted me to drown. Shaking the needless paranoia away, I grabbed the machine in both hands and using its own weight smashed with the upper half of it into the wall behind.

My can of iced coffee fell out along with a bag of chips as a bonus. Sometimes things work just fine when you add force to it.

Well, not like I'm allergic to potatoes.

I opened the coffee, downed half of it and went back to my class.

Before I entered the room I hid the coffee can in my pocket and the chips under my shirt.

When I got inside Haruhi was already up and fiercely looking at me.

"There you are," she nagged as I sat down. "Thought you went delusional and managed to pass out on the roof again."

Ha, ha, ha...

Funny.

I handed her the bag of chips and extended my left cheek for some kind of a gratitude.

She took it and pushed my head back with her hand, "Thanks, but you're not getting it."

I thought we were dating.

"We are, but that doesn't mean I have to kiss you in front of everyone," she said opening the bag of chips.

Yeah, yeah.

That divorce joke I made before, sometimes I really feel I'm married to her for forty years or more already.

The rest of the morning lessons, I felt myself dozing off a few times, but I managed to hold it with the help of the coffee. I had to buy three more cans and my heart was starting to race a little, but as I thought at the time – screw my heart, everything's better than the nightmare. When lunch came Haruhi strangely stayed and brought up some food she supposedly made. I was grateful for the company - it kept me awake.

"So how was it?" she asked out of the blue as I was finishing up.

Now that I think about it, she kept her mouth shut through the most of the meal. Guess even someone like her gets self-conscious about certain things.

"It was good, a little rough around the edges like you, but good nevertheless," I said.

I was stuffing my mouth with sharp chopsticks made from stainless steel - pissing her off was the smart thing to do.

But instead of blowing right into my face, her face darkened, well kind of, "I was serious... you know. It took me quite a while to make it."

Maybe that's why she wanted me over at her house yesterday, to cook something with her. Maybe that's why she couldn't keep me a company later.

"Me too, it really was good," I didn't know what else to say.

I'm such a loser when things get serious.

No one expect my mom, or grandmother ever did something like this for me and all I was able to say was that.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Taniguchi with Kunikida, they had that 'see two love-birds kind of look', but I didn't care.

"So what are you planning for today?" I said cleaning up the leftovers, "With the club I mean."

"I dunno, nothing special I guess," she shrugged and took back the box the lunch came in.

I sighed, that didn't sound good. I slapped at my pockets. There was some change, but I didn't know how much of coffee my body was able to take in in about seven hours. I still remember my uncle and his habit of drinking six cups of coffee whenever he came over. He died of a heart attack in his mid-thirties. But as I said, everything's better than the dream. There's nothing like it. When you wake up and realize that it was all just a dream, but you still feel that if you didn't realize that, you'd really drown right there... I never was on the verge of drowning before, but I thought it would look and feel exactly as it did in the dream.

I glanced sideways again, "Those two are really irking me."

Not waiting for any sort of reply I stood up and approached Taniguchi and Kunikida.

"'Sup," I greeted them. "So, what's the word?"

I pulled back a chair and sat, resting my hands on the backrest.

They looked at each other and smiled.

"The rumor is you are on drugs and when you got locked in the school you went mad without your shot," Taniguchi talked calmly, unaffected by it at all. "And then there's the other rumor that now you are dating with Suzumiya because you raped her and that finally kicked some sense into her."

So that's what it's about.

"Nah, don't tell me you really believe all that crap," I sighed. "Actually it involved only a healthy amount of stay in the kitchen from my side and bing she was mine."

"Yeah, we noticed the lunch she made you, so the story that you're dating is true then?" Kunikida said, eager-like.

I guess, but if you ask her she'll just deny it.

"Why? I thought you had complete control over her," Taniguchi put his hands behind his head.

"Control over Suzumiya Haruhi?" I laughed to myself. "If you only knew what you're talking about."

"I guess you're right," Taniguchi said and Kunikida nodded to himself.

So yeah...

When the awkward silence settled in, I decided to bring up a more cheerful topic, at least for me and Kunikida.

"How did that blind date go anyway?" I said to Taniguchi, playing an uninterested voice.

"What? He went on a blind date?" Kunikida smiled at me then turned to Taniguchi, whose face changed shade toward the red one a little. "So did the fact that she didn't know you helped?"

Good one, man.

But Taniguchi just turned away, "I don't wanna talk about it."

Come on, I told you about me, now it's your turn.

"Yeah, be fair for once," but no matter how Kunikida and me pressed he wouldn't tell us about it.

Didn't know you were such a wussy. Nevermind, see you guys later. Don't make the rumors go more haywire, okay?

I waved at them, and left smiling Kunikida and wide-eyed Taniguchi behind and went back to my seat.

"All that was to just tell them to stop staring at us?" Haruhi said, she was probably watching the entire conversation.

I scratched my back, she burned a hole in all right.

"Yeah, as you can see they stopped," I pointed at them.

I knew Taniguchi wouldn't look at me for a while and when he didn't, Kunikida didn't really have a reason to either.

"Well that's two," but to satisfy Haruhi is harder than finding the meaning of all life. "About twenty-seven others left."

"I can't exactly stop the rumors and you know that," I turned in my chair. "I don't pack any neuralyzers."

"You should at least try to, it's your fault by the way," she kept her voice very informant like, like a secretary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We all know that it wasn't my fault we got locked in, but as my father often says, with women it's easier to comply. I thanked her for the lunch, the bell rang and the rest of the lessons started. It was uneventful and sped past fast since I was dozing off half the time. But I haven't got the dream, so I didn't sleep. When the last lesson ended and everyone cheerfully left the classroom, Haruhi stopped just before the door and said, "So are we going or what?"

The first time she waited for me before the club? I'd pop some champagne if I had any.

"Since when do lazy bastards like me deserve this kind of sympathy," I took my bag and approached her.

"Well, you're my boyfriend after all," she said.

"So, you have accepted the truth?" I made a Darth Vader.

"I did, but sometimes it seems I'm the only giving side," she said. "I really want to receive from time to time."

I scratched my head, "What do you mean? If you're still bitter about yesterday, then okay I'm sorry, but I couldn't really help it."

"It's not just that..."She looked as if she drank a bottle vinegar. "Some days you seem to be distancing yourself from me, like if you were forced to date me. Like if someone ordered you to."

No, no, no, it's not about that. It's just that... my head hurts from time to time and I'm a little edgy is all.

That is the official version I told her, the truth is I keep my distance because I'm afraid. Scared of how my approach would mess things up in the world. You know what I mean. Like a perfect marriage where after half a year the arguing starts. In that case few plates would be broken, a black eye at the worst. In our case – Apocalypse. Then again I want to approach her, I want to be with her, but it's just... I don't know, getting emotional again. And you don't want that, right?

So, back to the plot.

After that she didn't push the matter further and nor did I. We went to the club. I opened the door and held it for her pretending a real gentleman, I pushed it even more and bowed at her sarcastically.

She just walked in, no reaction.

Haruhi greeted everyone, in her usual cheerful tone. I thanked God that the previous melancholy left her. At least for today.

I followed her in, "Hey Nagato, how's that Xenomorph gig going? Heard the parasites were getting all the odds."

Nagato just looked up, licked her finger lightly and turned a page.

Guess someone should install that taking-in joke and smile program, well nevermind.

"Kyon-kun?" Asahina-san, hearing my previous rambling approached me almost cautiously. "Are you okay? Don't you have a fever again?"

I put my bag down and walked to the window, stretching myself, "No, why? I'm perfectly fine."

Was she the only one to notice the bags under my eyes? I had to do something about it. Cover it up with a lame pun maybe.

"More importantly, how's HG, isn't 802 701 a little bit too much?" I smiled to show her it was just a joke, but she acted up anyway.

Her eyes widened, the teapot in her hands clattered as she jumped up and stopped dead in her tracks.

"W-What do you mean?" she started to pour me a tea, almost spilled it all over the table.

I shook my head to myself, "Forget it."

I sat down and sipped on my tea, "Oh, and thanks for the tea."

"Would you stop throwing these random jokes out of the blue, Kyon, I'm trying to concentrate here, okay?" Haruhi, typing something, called for me from behind the monitor.

I looked at Koizumi and he smirked.

No way man, I won't give you the pleasure and make a lame joke about you so you could smile upon it, deconstruct it and turn it right against me.

I sneered back at him shaking my head. He shrugged.

Nobody laughed through my entire show. I guess they're a little fed up with me by now, because it's almost everyday that I do these kinds of things. Before I didn't even know why, I just did. For fun. But now I did it because I had to, I'd do anything to keep myself awake.

"So what are we going to do, now?" I asked aloud and everyone not just Haruhi.

"You're free to do anything you want as long as it's inside this room, I have to look something up," Haruhi said over the screen and went back to typing something, then clicking with the mouse.

Self-induced boredom? Normal days I would be overjoyed, but now I didn't like it.

"We could play some game to pass the time," Koizumi spoke up, bringing something that looked like a chess.

Oh well, the only chess that I found fun was that old computer game where the pieces actually killed each other when you scored. Was it Battle Chess? Nevermind.

"I suppose so," I answered and he started to set it up.

My eyes already began to close and we didn't even played the first round.

I popped another can of coffee.

I got a feeling that this is gonna be a very long afternoon.

-

My last piece defending the queen fell and I sprawled back into the chair. Koizumi had his usual smile, but kind of twisted. Guess he wanted to show an apology, or he just found another way to creep me out of my cool. Or he just sneered right at me because he won a third round in a row. Then again maybe it wasn't the third. After all the coffee I drank, I got a feeling a Duracell rabbit has. On the outside I was all fine and dandy, but somewhere deep down in the core I was still as messed up as I was one coffee ago.

"Another one?" Koizumi asked, never running out of energy.

I stretched, one more game and I'm dead for sure – with the nightmare or without it.

Shaking my head I denied him and looked at what the others were doing.

Asahina-san was doing something over at the kitchen corner, cleaning it up probably because she spilled something in the end. Nagato was still sitting and I wasn't sure if she made even one movement you don't need when you read a book. For a minute I just watched her. She actually blinked right now, never was completely sure she did so before. And Haruhi was still doing something hidden behind the screen. I rubbed my eyes and yawned greatly.

"What are you doing anyway?" I never seen her use the computer this long before, she always got too bored to keep staring at it for more than five seconds.

"Ah nothing important really, just surfing around," her voice reeked of boredom.

Found anything good?

"Nothing in particular."

I got an urge to ask her what the hell is wrong with her today, but I wasn't exactly ready for another heart to heart conversation that we already went through today, so I'll just let it slide.

Then Nagato closed her book. I looked at her and set my watch.

Everyone started to pack, but I stayed behind making some lame excuse about the need to use the bathroom.

"See you tomorrow then," Haruhi said almost sadly and left.

I closed the door and left the building.

I had to take a shortcut, not because I had to save time to get somewhere sooner, not because I needed to take care of something. But because I had to disappear.

"Come see me when you go home all right."

Honestly, I wasn't planning to show up the minute I got back the test. Anymore lecture about how I'm going to fail the damned subject and I'll flip out. I failed. I know that. It's my problem. Stop bitching about it.

So I left the school in a hurry, I took a 'shortcut' around the back of the school. I walked as quickly as I could, because if the teacher caught me in the process then that would be bad. But if I managed to leave the school, I could make some excuse. Something like, I forgot or I had something important to do.

But sometimes the world kicks you in the teeth and forces you to see that things aren't always as simple as that.

Things have a nasty habit of going bad when I'm supposed to leave the school.

If life gave me somekind of a lesson in the past, it was to leave when I still had the chance.

"Help!"

Somewhere in the distance I head a muffled cry, more like a choke. I was in the middle of the school's courtyard, in between the gym hall and the back of the main building. I looked around, but I didn't see anything, anyone. Everything screamed for me to leave it, to just let it be. But then there was something else. Somewhere deep beneath the other sensible voices there was one that said, go check it out somebody could be in danger.

Yeah, somebody was in danger, me.

The muffled cry came again this time from my left, just around a corner.

I walked up to the wall and glued myself to it, then I advanced along it.

I stopped took a deep breath and ignoring my conflicting feelings, I looked.

Around the corner I saw a girl being held down on the ground by a guy. With one hand he held both of her hands up and had her pinned, with the other hand he grabbed the upper part of her uniform. From where I was, I could see that he was ready to take her right there on the ground. Not caring about the speed of my thought process he torn open her shirt. He didn't even try to take off her clothes, he just reached for his belt with his free hand and was ready to go.

Déjà vu.

The girl's chest was rising and falling fast as she was breathing violently. She was blushing so much even her arms and legs were red. And she was crying.

And then it happened, she looked at me. Right into my eyes. Her eyes were full of tears and even though her mouth already gave up, her eyes - they asked me for help.

But I felt as if I was really part of the wall, all I was able to do was plaster myself more.

Here I am. It's payback time. I dare you to, come and get me. Somehow it all made sense in my head. But this wasn't exactly the thing I asked for.

I looked around the corner again. The girl whimpered. Trying to decide what to do, I couldn't help but think how exactly it feels to lay on the ground desperately and to be completely controlled by your enemy. I looked into her eyes, trying to find the answer. She saw me again. But now she recognized me - I was the one who tried to rape Haruhi. We shared a strange intimacy.

Damn.

I walked up to them and asked the girl, "Do you need any help?"

'Hypocrite' wasn't really the word, but the first that came to mind.

For a second tension thicker than asphalt lingered around, then the guy spun so fast I almost fell back.

For the first time I got a decent look at the duo. The thug and the girl had both this school's uniform and that was just about it, I haven't seen any of them anywhere before. Even now the particulars of the guy's face are dissolving into a thousand others, but I remember he had dirty blond hair and mercury eyes.

The guy buckled back his belt and spat, "So he came after all, you weren't lying."

Even in situation as this his voice, just as his eyes, was calm. That probably meant that something of this caliber happened to him twice a week.

I looked over at the girl, she seemed okay, but was in a sort of shock. How did I know? If she wasn't, she'd run away.

The guy pulled up his sleeves and without any sort of a warning leaped at me. I fell down on the ground, but I managed to somehow avoid him. Now the girl was behind me and we faced each other with the thug. It was a desperate situation. And I couldn't shake the feeling that I saw it all somewhere before.

"Fine with me," I said.

Spitting out the dirt I raised up, leaving my bag on the ground. He took off his coat and was undoing his tie. I pushed my tie under my shirt, there was no need to take off my jacket. If I remember correctly, I was going to lose anyhow.

The guy watched me, then laughed, "Leave. You don't want me to gut you like an animal. Take up my generous offer and leave when you still have the chance."

I considered it.

I looked at the girl behind me, she was in no shape to run. She was shaking behind me covering up her chest. So I couldn't run either, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Fuck you," I didn't sound tough at all.

And that was the last drop, I didn't even have the chance to bring up my hands and he already got both my arms behind my head and rammed my head into the ground until my teeth bit open the inside of my cheek and my eye was swollen shut and was bleeding.

Somehow it didn't even hurt.

He stopped and started to walk away.

But I was still there and there was no pain. There was no fear. I felt like if I fought every other day and got so rough things like didn't even matter to me anymore. Somehow I trusted myself to handle him. I felt I was carved out of wood.

As I pulled myself up, I looked down and there was a print of half my face in blood on the ground.

I smiled, if this is everything he's got, I'll kick him out to Mars.

"Not so fast."

I grabbed him by his shoulder and turned with him, then I brought up a fist. Everything accelerated and like a hammer my fist sank into his cheek and he fell over. There was an unpleasant crunch in my hand. I wasn't used to punch, so I broke a few bones in my hand.

Damn. This is bad.

The hand hurt like hell. And now after all that, the pain in the cheek and eye kicked in. It was probably just temporarily subdued by adrenaline. But I couldn't show him a weakness, so I was pretending that nothing happened.

The guy gathered saliva in his mouth and spit blood, "Now that was some punch."

"I didn't want to," he said rubbing his jaw. "But I'll have to get serious, can't really afford to shame myself in front of a woman."

Smiling he reached into his pocket and brought up a knife. Well, no, not exactly brought up. More like flipped up. It wasn't any usual knife, I think this one is called a butterfly knife or balisong. Something like that. He flipped it close, did some twirling trick, then held it back-ways.

He handled it like a pro. In other words, I was quite screwed.

There were many different things running through my mind clashing with primal prehistoric instincts that somehow found their way up. But I don't remember all the things I thought about at the time. That's the problem with every story, you tell it after the fact. But that doesn't matter, because even if I wanted, it's impossible to describe every single feeling that went through someone's head. That and it'd be ungodly boring. And of course you don't want to hear about my feelings, you want action.

The important thing is that I'm here telling you this story and that means I'm alive and now I'm gonna tell you how I did it.

Not like I faced off someone with a knife before and the last time I got into a fight was in middle school, but anyone could tell that best thing I could do was to run. And this isn't a cowards way out, this is sensible. After all the thug twirling the batangas over there could be on drugs or just plain crazy. And nobody needs a dead hero.

But I couldn't run, the girl was still shaking there behind me. She was probably deranged and thought I could protect her.

So, as I said, I didn't have the black belt, but when I was a kid I went to a karate club for just the heck of it, because it was cool at the time. I went there for just a week though, but luckily for me I got the basics of a knife defense.

How was it again?

They told us that if you can't run away try to talk to the thug, convince him out of it.

"What do you want? I have some money," I said calmly staring right into his eyes.

I felt like staring down a barrel of a gun. He sent shivers down my spine.

I reached into my coat and took out my wallet, then placed it on the ground before me.

He laughed hard and flipped with the knife again, this time it was some trick, but too fast for me to recognize, "We already got past this point, now I want blood."

The plan failed, I should try to talk to him before I actually punched him. I couldn't exactly know he was packing a knife, now could I?

He really wanted to stab me, kill me. And I couldn't run, the only way was to disarm him.

Calming my racing mind, I told myself that the worst he could do was stab me. People survive multiple stab wounds all the time... Damn, this isn't helping at all.

I pressed my brain for somekind of a hint, some answer to this question. How to survive? I tried hard to remember something that could help me, anything what I already experienced.

But I quit the club too soon to actually get to the disarming part. And it was so long ago and I don't remember much.

The thug flipped the knife one last time tired of stalling and started to near me, I kept the distance between us.

The only thing I remembered was that when I was packing up from the karate club, already bored with it and made up about my leaving, this one kid approached me. He was more interested in it then me for sure, he already had a few belts and a few years of practice. He asked why I was leaving, I told him that it's not for me, that I don't see any practical use - like I'm gonna get attacked with a knife. He brought up a dummy knife with some red ink and threw it to me saying, I'll show you a few tricks. I attacked him, but he always disarmed me. Then he showed me a trick that anyone could use, I even managed to learn it, the only problem was that no matter what sort of technique you used, no matter how good you were the knife would always mark red either of us.

No matter now.

I told myself I wasn't a person anymore, we were animals facing each other. Just two objects in friction in the mass of all the other objects. 'Thug' versus 'Kyon' - animals don't need names to kill each other.

I quickly remembered the trick I learned eternity ago and stopped backing away.

I was one step away from the girl, the thug was already at me.

This was it.

The guy was almost ready to stab, but I was faster.

I gathered saliva in my mouth and spat in his face.

He backed away a little, brought both his hands to his face and stopped advancing.

I only had a fraction of a second to finish him.

I told myself I had all the time in the world.

I dropped to my side, as I did I hooked my left foot around the back of his front foot and with my other foot I stamped hard on the front of his knee. There was a loud snap. I can't really say if I broke it or just dislocated it, but the important thing is that the smile which was creeping on his face shattered and he fell on his back. He reached for his foot, obviously in pain.

I stood up and observed him as he clutched his leg, then I took his belt and tied his hands to his feet.

I felt unstoppable.

"I won..."

Nothing hurt anymore.

Screw the eye.  
Screw the mouth.  
I began to laugh.

I was not an animal.  
I felt like a God.

Overjoyed and laughing all to myself I remembered the girl, but when I turned around she wasn't there anymore. She probably ran away at some point, I couldn't really hold that against her.

I picked up my wallet and bag and turned to leave.

"This isn't the end... I'll find you..." But first I had some more mouth to shut.

I kicked in his side and he coughed blood, then he passed out.

And then I saw it, the knife.

Balisong. I'm not a weapon enthusiast, but that was one hell of a knife. I picked it up to see what exactly was supposed to kill me, it was just a knife. But still, it wasn't half bad. Looked personal. I felt its weight for a while and realized that it was decorated with ivory. Good looking and expensive.

"How hard can this be- ouch," I tried to flip it open, but it was harder than it looked and I cut myself.

Nevermind, I closed it by hand.

Finders keepers.

I decided to keep the knife as a memento of the fight, I won after all. It was like a cup or a medal for me. I was thinking of hanging it on the wall in my room.

A real trophy.

"I won and in the end I saved the girl," I said again to myself.

"I'm a hero."

Sounds good.

-

I sat down on my bed and smiled looking at the knife on my desk. There was some trouble explaining why was I so roughed up, but I managed to convince my parents that I slipped on some stairs that were still frozen. Mom asked me what the hell do you have to smirk about a few times as she was bandaging me though. I couldn't really tell her that I'm a Super-Man. I couldn't really tell her that from now on I'm not 'Kyon', but Rocky or Jackie Chan or Spike Spiegel or something like that.

And as I sat on the bed smiling like an idiot, it dawned on me why exactly I pulled something this big. Because I knew I wouldn't have the dream after that. That's why I didn't run away. To prove that anything's possible even though you're not a reality warper.

To just stop the nightmare.

I set the alarm on my phone and went to sleep not scared about anything and immediately fell asleep.

Isn't it sad that it didn't end like this?  
Isn't it sad that this only how it began?

This isn't a fairy tale, after all.


	3. Drowning slowly

A/N: It's been a while, but here goes another chapter, enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 3:

**Drowning slowly**

**-------**

The hit meant nothing to you, it hurts sure, but your feet don't feel the ground below you anymore so you know something far far worse is just about to knock on your door.

You are falling.

Your uniform flutters and you know that you just went over the edge, literally.

And then you fall down and crash hard into the surface below, the air is kicked out of your lungs. You try to breathe. You don't know that you'll never be able breathe again yet. From now on oxygen will be just a distant memory, a photo of a dead relative.

You can't move, everything hurts as you try to stand up. You probably hit your head, the growing warm spot on your scalp proves the point.

And as you're laying there, desperately trying to catch your breath, you hear a faint cracking behind you. Twisting your head you realize you're lying on ice. A lake? A pond? You can't remember, if your head just stopped beating, your skull feels like a can of cola someone threw against the wall – just waiting to burst open.

And then the cracking sound spreads all around you. Then everything falls silent. And then you begin to sink.

Something tells it's all just a dream, but you can't move, your limbs are paralyzed. But still the small voice inside your head was certain.

But this isn't a dream, it feels too familiar, too real.

The absolute cold comes all over you as you try to hold the last of the breath you had in your lungs before you sank, your clothes drenched you begin your slow descent into your water prison.

But still that small voice keeps playing inside your head... Can you trust it? Is it really safe? If it's a dream, why can't you wake up as it says?

And then you give in, fully trusting the voice and you breathe out the last of the air in your lungs.

And you hit the bottom of the flooded pit.

You breathe in water, and it...

-

For ten minutes I was in the kitchen staring at the wall, eating, then mom came. She undid the bandages on my head and cleaned the wound, then she smeared it with antibiotics and bandaged it again. My skull ached so badly I thought I was blind. Mom wouldn't let me have aspirin because the bleeding might start again. She brought me tea, I asked her for a bag of ice. I put the melting cubes on my eyelids. My sister was fooling around. She was rippling like water around us, she didn't talk to me but I heard her small feet whisper across the wood floor. Nobody talked to me. Then mom brought me a mirror and I knew why.

Anyway, there was a frenzy in my head.

I wasn't sure what's true, what was happening.

The dream. I had it again.

And I was so certain that I wouldn't have it.

I went to bathroom and let cold water run into the sink.

"What if reality is all a spell, and you don't really want what you think you want," I told to my reflection. "If dreams are hidden desires and fears, can dreams really foretell our future? Or is it just more of the past?"

My brain was out of track. I felt cold and my hands were shaking.

I was scared.

I turned to look in the cabinet behind the mirror. The usual female gear, mysterious and oddly threatening. I found some aspirin and swallowed it. I hoped I wouldn't fall asleep again. Through the closed door I could hear mom and dad, they talked about how they didn't trust my story. How my grades went to gutter lately, how I probably got into a fight, that from now on I'm considered a delinquent.

My world was crumbling apart, I began to shed my skin. And I felt a rise of something new, something different.

I shoved my head into the sink and the water was very cold.

I came out of the bathroom and my sister was shying away from me. My parents didn't say anything, but I knew what they wanted to say. Probably.

"Well, I'm off," not stalling a second I left the almost cemetery like atmosphere and went to school.

I wanted to disappear, I wanted to go back in time and not get into the fight, I really did. The way I felt I could might as well be walking away from a train-wreck or a car accident. There was something cracking in my hand when I moved my fingers, I couldn't see with my eye, I talked like Rocky Balboa after a fight and there was something filling up in the back of my head. People were looking at me like if I ran away from prison, like if I was out to murder them. Those who had the guts to walk on the same side of the street looked at me through their fingers, they looked at their feet, or they pretended they did something on their cellphone – no eye contact whatsoever.

Oh well, what doesn't kill me... will probably try to kill me again, harder.

I remembered the thug's words. He was in my school, after all.

I had to rest a few times on my way up the hill. Supporting myself with my left hand, I brought up a handkerchief and carefully wiped away sweat off my brow. As I started to walk again, I noticed something.

It started to snow.

I stopped before the gate, there was nobody around anymore. I was late. For a while I just stared with my good eye, thinking.

Why am I going to school in this state anyway? Not like I'm going to change anything. My grades were bad, so bad I practically failed already. And I barely kept myself up. So why? Why was I walking toward the school building.

It wasn't really a dilemma about me being in school or not, it was more of a dilemma about what shocks the God more, me not being in school without any excuse or me showing up with wounds of this extent. But I couldn't pace around it forever, it was better to deal with it right then and there. No more delaying of the important, it was time to take action, grasp the situation, stop coping with the world around you – control it.

And the first step is to accept the reality.

And I tried just that.

I didn't hide the fact that I was beaten up yesterday from the people I passed in the hallway, I rather showed my wounds, showed that we're indeed still animals who fight for territory, fame and glory and control.

"It's him, isn't he?"

"What was his name again? Kyon?"

"Nobody really knows his real name, everybody just calls him that."

"He did what!?"

"Man, that gotta hurt."

"Ewww, icky."

"Can't believe people can just walk away from that..."

"We better stay away, he's dangerous."

My fellow students who never saw me among the mass of others now passionately talked about me behind my back, right in my face. That's the most cruel way of gossip, someone talks badly about you, right before you. You know what I mean, how you walk in the room and people start whispering 'Oh that's him, the Suzumiya guy', laughing right in your face not caring about your own feelings, showing no empathy. And that's the most badass gossip deployed.

Anyway as I walked the hall headed to my class, scaring off my classmates, our homeroom teacher walked up to me.

"Come with me," he said and started to walk away expecting me to follow.

I did just that and soon I figured out where we were going. It was so obvious, but I wasn't going there to be declared a hero. I felt like I was walking to my own execution.

We entered the room and my teacher closed the door behind me, staying there like a watchdog.

Other three people were already in the room, the principal, and two students. The duo from yesterday. The girl sat in an expensive armchair that the principal used for his special guests and the thug was leaning on it. I didn't like the sight, something was off. I knew what was coming, I felt it coming the minute I stopped before the school gate, no, I felt it coming when I woke up today.

"Ah, there you are," the principal gestured toward another chair. "Please have a seat, 'Kyon'."

"You know everything, don't you?" I sat down.

"Yes, that is the reason you were called," the principal closed some document file and stood up, began to pace the room.

"Even though your scores don't show it I think you are a rather intelligent guy, so you probably know all about the consequences you are facing and of course our future actions we have to take in the light of the situation," he said and opened some cabinet, took out a pipe, began to stuff it with tobacco.

"I consider this school the better kind, if get me, and we can't allow our reputation to drop," he sat down and lit a match.

What ticked me off the most was the fact that he was looking at me.

I looked at the thug and he was smiling, then he ran his thumb across his neck as if to slit his throat, as if to tell me you're screwed.

"What is this about?" I managed to hold my cool.

"You know why we called you here, don't play stupid, you tried to rape this girl and now you must face the consequences," the principal talked while lighting up his pipe and puffing out smoke.

"What? I tried to save her, you got all of this wrong."

I looked at the girl, she looked away.

It was the thugs turn, "Bah, what's with the act, you better spill it all out and confess it would save us and police a lot of time."

Police?

"Of course we had to involve the police, this isn't some simple act of mischief after all, this is far from ditching school," the principal handled the fact coldly, like an old cop in retirement, which he probably was. "You tried to rape her, but this young man caught you in the middle of the act, tried to call police but you knocked him out unconscious and dislocated his right foot, then you ran away."

"No, you have it all backwards, I tried to save her it was him who-"

"Admit it! Stop this sorry act and accept the truth!" The principal shouted so suddenly even my homeroom teacher and the thug jumped a little.

"What about evidence, you have anything that connects me to the girl," I said. "Fingerprints, anyone?"

I eyed the thug, calming myself a little.

"That's for the police to handle, but I doubt they'll need that," the principal said and the thug grinned. "We have an eye witness after all."

He pointed with the end of his pipe toward the girl.

Cold sweat started to form on my back, my left hand began to shake.

"Y-Yes, Takeshi, I-I mean my boyfriend just t-tried to save me," the girl stammered, horrified-like. "It was this guy who tried t-to... to... rape me."

Her voice trailed off as she pointed my direction.

My head began to pound.

The principal sat on the edge of his desk, crossed his legs, "And of course the fact that Suzumiya Haruhi's clothes were ripped off and she had bruises all over her after you both got locked in the school doesn't speak much in your favor either."

"I..." For a second I couldn't speak. "No, that's not what happened she fell in that hole on the second floor when we tried to get out and freaked when I pulled her out. She started kicking all around."

The principal smiled, "What about the clothes then?"

Someone filled my skull with razors and started to shake.

It was the feeling I had in the morning, that new kind of feeling. A feeling that makes you want to scream and start pulling out your hair.

I tried to remember how I felt when I was a hero yesterday, but I couldn't shake the anxiety and fear anymore. The dream was over, say goodbye to bright yesterday and welcome to the real world. But I wasn't mad, nor was I nervous, I already accepted it all. It was just a matter of time now.

"Why are we still sitting here, having this merry conversation then?" I asked everyone. "Shouldn't I be behind the bars?"

The principal puffed his pipe and paced the room again, "Yes, yes, you are right, but I respect the presumption of innocence and will let the police do their thing and from what I've heard they decided not to make an arrest yet, until then you are just a suspect."

He smiled, "But of course we have to take our own steps."

Like?

"As of now you are officially suspended, according to our school regulations you are free to attend classes, but you must refrain of any other school activities," a subtle, but creepy smile popped up on his face. "In short you can't attend any clubs."

They watched me for a while.

"Cool, that's all?"

The principal nodded.

"All right, farewell then," I stood up and walked to the door.

I held the door open and turned around, "I spit on you and your sense of justice though."

I pointed at my face, "I didn't slip in a shower you know."

"And you," I turned to the girl. "Nevermind..."

She was probably coaxed into it by her precious boyfriend anyway.

And I felt the room.

I knew it all along. I tried to run from it, edit it out, but it was there the demise the dream was all about. Now it wasn't about not failing this year, now it was about how many years will I land in prison for. No, things aren't that simple, there was still chance, I had to get down and think. I had to find some proof, evidence of my innocence. But it was probably useless anyway, that thug was some spoiled brat for sure with rich dad who can afford expensive lawyers that will get him out of anything. Even hell, I mean jail.

I sighed and let my shoulders slump.

Stuff like this happens all the time, that's why no one tries to help anyone who's in need anymore. They don't want something like this happening to them. That's the real reason people stare at someone with a broken leg instead of calling an ambulance. That's why people walk along if someone cries for help. They don't want to get in trouble for helping and it's not their problem anyway. Hero is a term that was forgotten somewhere in the past, now it's just an empty word without any real meaning. How many real heroes do you know? Not those from TV, the real ones. A few firemen? A few cops and doctors? A humanitarian worker? But that's just about it.

But why am I bragging about it? I'm not a hero myself, I just wanted the nightmare to stop. I just wanted people to like me more too I guess, make a name.

I'm hero as much as I'm the doctor who wants to adjust your spine every week.  
I'm hero as much as I'm the savior who wants you to worship him forever.

'Parasite' wasn't the right word, but it was the first word that came to mind.

Now that I faced the danger of being sent to jail, I couldn't help but think of a real heroic scale. Where how much of a hero you are is measured by how many days you survive there. Rapists aren't sent to those easy going prisons now, are they?

Oh and by the way our class and the principal's office are on the same floor, so it takes about half a minute to get there, so I stood before the door through all of that inner monologue.

I didn't want to go in, but I was already there. If I turned around I'd be running away and there was just about enough of pained movement for one day.

I touched my face.

Still swollen, check.

I tried to open my eye.

Still swollen, check.

Looked we were ready for the big shocking entry.

I opened the door.

Inside everyone fell silent, as though they weren't sure of how exactly they should react. It wasn't just the shock of seeing someone who's only sing of activity was being in one club with Suzumiya Haruhi. Kyon the most docile member of this class got into fight? The reality and gossip clashed. It just didn't sit right with them. Nobody actually believed the rumor when it spread, but then here comes first hand evidence, that's why they just stared unable to even gasp. What I didn't know was the first rule of rumors, if one's true, every other is too. So in their heads, I raped Haruhi and that girl.

As I walked through the silenced class I noticed that even the teacher's mouth fell open.

It was that bad.

I greeted Haruhi as usual and sat down.

"W-What in the world happened to you?" She sounded almost worried.

I don't want to talk about it.

"I don't care, just tell me," Haruhi talked fast. "You got into a fight?"

I turned to her.

I told Haruhi I fell.  
I did this to myself.

"I don't buy that, just what did you get into yesterday?" But she just wouldn't let it slide.

So I got mad, "I just don't want to die without a few scars. It's nothing anymore to have a beautiful stock body. You see those cars that look like they rode right out of a dealer's showroom in 1960, I always think, what a waste."

The stitches inside my mouth came loose, and I could feel them with my tongue against my cheek.

Haruhi just stared at me wide eyed.

My mouth was probably shining with blood.

I turned back around and few classmates were staring at me, I showed them the blood coming down through the cracks in my teeth. They turned right back.

Maybe I was overreacting, but I was tired of everything. If world sees me like a bastard, if everyone in the whole world thinks that I am a delinquent, am I really just a normal guy? The perception of reality. Hardcore philosophy again, I couldn't really answer the question with razors jumping inside of my skull.

But I didn't lie to her either, according to what principal said I did this to myself.

I massaged my temples and tried to calm down.

I had to get smart and figure something out, I didn't want to go to jail.

Arhg!

But my head just kept pounding and I couldn't think at all.

The rest of the lessons went in a quiet almost eerie atmosphere, where nobody spoke a word and everyone jumped at the slightest commotion. I almost expected the teacher to run some horror movie, because the mood was perfect for it.

Having my face all beaten up worked in my favor in some cases too.

Like when the teachers called to the blackboard, today they didn't chose me at all. Or when I felt the sleepiness come over me and remembered that I didn't want to fall asleep because I didn't want to have that dream again, I just touched my cheek, or licked the stitches from inside of my mouth. And it hurt and kept me awake.

I didn't make notes, I was already far behind the point of no return and with the recent rumors about me becoming a deliquent and me being a suspect in a rape... I didn't think someone would let me pass into the next year.

Oh well, what a shame.

That was, of course, the very bottom of my worries.

So I sat there, pain running all over my body, razors jumping happily in the middle of my skull and I stared out of the window.

It snowed, thick flakes the size of a fingerprint.

So maybe it affected her after all. The forecast said it was supposed to be sunny from here on right into the spring.

I turned around to confirm the fact.

"What?" Haruhi stared back at me, pen in her hand.

Nothing I just... Nothing.

She seemed okay though, but maybe she just didn't show it, Haruhi's an expert in that. You go to school and you feel great, you know everything's fine. Then you look at her the wrong way or make a comment that didn't sit right with her and boom, something nasty is up. The worst part is you don't even know it yet. You only realize something's wrong when you fight a giant grasshopper.

Sometimes I feel really bad I can't tell anyone about these adventures, I could talk forever.

When the school ended and everyone including Haruhi left, I sat in my chair for a while longer, pondering.

And then I made up my mind.

In the hallway I met our homeroom teacher, he was probably seeing me off - making sure I went straight home.

"Going home?" He asked.

Now was the cue for some witty comment, but I just didn't feel like it so I just nodded and continued my way.

I felt eyes on my back the entire trek, but when I passed the gate, the shadow in one window disappeared. Took him long enough. I turned around and quickly went back in, making my way toward the practice building.

Someone once told me that I'm a man who keeps running in circles, that 'we learn by our mistakes' doesn't apply in my case.

I can't really remember who, but it seemed important.

Well, nevermind.

"Took you long enough," Haruhi looked at me from behind the computer.

Ah, we're getting nostalgic here. Guess what time is it?

"Three thousand points down, keep going and you're at zero in no time," Haruhi said and stood up. "Anyway since you're here I can finally lay out our plan, as soon as I finish this part."

That's right penalty time, wonder how much points I got before this. Too bad laws can't work this way too. But actually they do, only the penalty is prison. And why was she acting so casually anyway. No further comments about my face transforming into a smashed potato?

I sat down and didn't greet anyone, didn't feel like it.

"Looks like you got into a sort of a jam yesterday," Koizumi just smiled, sure what else to expect. "Are you sure about attending the club today?"

I wasn't exactly positive that he asked me about my health condition, or he knew about my visit in the principal's office. Perhaps he knew all about it, perhaps he didn't - I was too tired and pained to care.

"I'm okay, it just hurts when I smile," I said with the right side of my mouth. "But that won't be a problem today, I don't feel like joking today."

And nobody else in here does anyway.

Everybody sighed with relief, are the jokes that bad?

I looked at Nagato for a while and even though she was holding a book, she was looking back at me intently. With her deductive calculation, I wasn't sure if she also had it all figured it out. What was more shocking though – she stood up and walked up to me.

And without a word she touched my face, my eye and cheek.

"Where did you get these wounds?" A simple question.

With her face like that I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't tell her the truth either. In fact I couldn't tell anyone that I was a suspect. Not in here at least. Haruhi just couldn't get to know about it, that would be the end of it. Who knows what would happen next.

I eyed Haruhi, she looked back on the screen, but I knew she was spying on me.

"I... fell," was the only thing I was able to say.

Nagato just blinked and didn't show it, but I felt she somehow knew it was a lie.

"That is a lie, the extent of the analysis implicates a multiple number of hits each in a margin less than a second," she said in her usual monotone. "And it is not possible that you would fall in such a manner, ten times."

Guess I'm not as smart as you think.

Nagato blinked.

"Anyway," I neared in to whisper in her ear. "I expect you couldn't juice me up so it would heal faster again?"

"It wouldn't be sufficient to bite you in this room," she said.

That's right. And we don't want MGS4 to happen.

"Nevermind," I told her and she went back to read her book.

I looked around, "Where's Asahina-san anyway?"

Just as I said that she entered the room panting as if she ran hard for a while.

It just took her one little look at my face, "Ky-Kyon-ku..."

And she passed out when I grinned.

Oh well.

When we set her up in the back of the room on a make-shift bed, Haruhi stood up from her computer and started her briefing. I didn't get the details and frankly I didn't particularly care, but it was something about a TV show she saw yesterday this time. It was somekind of a paranormal mumbo-jumbo where the furniture moved in one house and there were those little orbs representing the ghosts. Like usual my remark that it was just a fly or a piece of dust was ignored and we were set to explore some rundown house she 'accidentally' found on her way to school.

Haruhi didn't want to go today though, her planning - she called it that - required time and it was Friday anyway so it was better to wait for the weekend.

When Asahina-san came back to herself I explained to her about how I fell some stairs on my way back home and she believed the lie completely. Am I such a trust-worthy guy? If so, why didn't the principal trust me then?

The rest of the club was spent by me lying to their questions about my condition.

If I ever would be interrogated by police in the future, I guess it would feel exactly like this.

They all sat opposite from me and everyone had a unique set of questions.

To cut things short, my last line was, "I refuse to fuel your suspicion and paranoia by consenting to this charade."

They looked like they believed the rumors.

Then Haruhi dismissed the club and we went home.

-

I didn't want to go home.

This morning was anxious, almost claustrophobic. And I wasn't looking forward to whatever punishment they made up for my grades, I just hope nobody from school or police called my home yet. If they sent a letter I could deal with it, make it disappear.

"Can I come over today?" I asked Haruhi when we walked home together and the others left us already.

"W-Wha?" She was shocked but that lasted less than a second. "You just want me to lick up your wounds don't you, you don't care about being with me at all."

No, I really want to be with you, honest. And is it such a problem that I want a little sympathy too?

"You know what?" She turned to me. "We'll talk about this after you stop lying to me, own up and finally tell me the truth. What's wrong with you anyway? Are you going to force advances on me again?"

You wouldn't understand.

And she just turned and walked away.

And I let her.

Not licking wounds, more like sowing them up.

And I went my own way.

I drifted the town, checked my favorite places. Bought some food and a drink and sat down on a bench. I cursed myself that I didn't have some sort of part-time job, but I was too passive for that to happen. I couldn't go home, I couldn't lodge myself at my girlfriend's place. It was ironic, I was trapped outside. I sighed, I might as well enjoy the fresh air while I still can. And I thought about the impending danger of jail again.

I crumbled the can and told myself to be brutal, detached. Otherwise I'd start throwing myself at strangers.

I walked the town again and decided it was time to go home.

I could hear my own jaw clicking.

Happiness fades so fast I can never remember what it feels like.


End file.
